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| I love my family. But just like I can be hard on myself, and set high goals, I do the same for them. Maybe it's not my place, but I feel like it's my responsibility to help shape their decision making. Which is totally hypocritical because I love making my OWN choices. That way I can only blame myself. My sister is ridiculously attached to her boyfriend. He is not up to par with what I think a boyfriend should be. The way he treats her overall does not make me feel any type of comfortable. This begs the question, does it matter? Yes, because she is a new 17 year old saying that it doesn't matter where she goes to college as long as he is there too. That is not what picking a college is about. It's about the visits, the excitement, the comparing places with friends. But she has no zeal for anything unless it invovles him. It is bordering on unhealthy in my opinion. I remember when they broke up for a few weeks. She looked like sunshine. She was glowing. She dressed up, had plans with different girls and guys almost every night of the week. Then....they got back together. She's back to long "talks" with him. She's back to dressing however and neglecting her appearance. He takes away her spark. I haven't seen her write or draw anything in a long time. It's so disappointing. Then there is my dad. Jobless for 2 years. No car. No girlfriend. Lives with his mom. No signs of making any progress. I just want him to rise against the odds, and make everyone who ever talked shit about him bite their tongue. But he just sits there. Sometimes he will Skype me, but mostly he just sits there. In his Canadian house. Soaking up the sadness and regret. It's pathetic. I can't even begin to pretend I know what it's like to be laid off, lose my car and then a year later my father pass away. I can't know what that is like. But I do know about attaching yourself to the Lord, and letting God lift you up. But once again i HAVE to remind myself that everyone is on their OWN journey. I can't make choices for people. I can only look out for myself. It's just hard because these people hit so close to house. Their mistakes feel like my mistakes. Their sadness hurts me too. I can suggest all day, and lecture all night, but ultimately we are on our own separate journeys. Even if we are yards away from each other, or thousands of miles I just have to accept that I can't "fix" what I want to fix in their lives. Relationships--your choice. Selling out--your choice. Poor choices--your choice. I'm so judgmental it's ridiculous. Though in these cases it is out of love. I want to be proud of my friend and family. I want to surround myself with ambition, success, wisdom, and hard work. I just can't do that if I stick around my family too long. Wishing I could "live and let live" much easier. # -The Oldest Sister Who Always Has an Opinion | | |
| Today the weather felt so great ! I saw a lot of friendly faces today, and classes went by fast. And I began to reminisce about my time at Vanguard. Member of Vanguard's first ever Aquatics team, first ever Gospel Choir, first ever Diversity Department intern. I feel so progressive! :] I'm really hard on myself sometimes. So today I give myself props. I deserved that Chik fil A today. And that second cup of coffee...had my name all over it. I am proud of myself, and I never really say that and mean it. But I really mean it. What a good day. Im finally starting to feel balance in my life again. Like...Me and God. We got this. Really glad. | | |
| Honestly, no words can begin to describe how bipolar, stressful, frantic, crazy, great, unpredictable and amazing my past few weeks have been. It's like I was a whole new person. Having a boyfriend, going out with best friends, sleeping all day, staying out all night, meeting new people, testing my patience, working on set and off. It's just been a whirlwind and I credit God for keeping me close to His heart through it all. Today was extremely great. Applied for two Cartoon Network internships and I feel really good about my resume thanks to all the opportunities God has opened up for me. Got a call from a cute African boy named Terence and we had a nice 15 minute conversation. Spent time with Aunty Lisa and I've been keeping my chin up about this upcoming wedding. I am very sick but really it's okay. I know it's all going to be okay. It's one of those moments - they last about as long as a firework in the sky - where my heart is laying in bed curled up. Not jumping, not running, not cooking and cleaning. Just laying, warm and peaceful. Thank you Lord. Cant believe after all that's gone on I can sit here and have peace. Only God. Only. | | |
| I welcome the Christmas season with open arms. This semester was hell, and most refining, learning semester of my life. Commuting 4 hours or more a week, running out of money, feeling left out and left behind, my mom doing her own thing and just all around feeling down. But after all the essays, film shoots, bad days and good there is only 1.5 weeks left of Fall semester then I'm free for a bit. Boy I can't wait to be free. <3 | | |
| with my family apparently my sisters can't do anything without their friends because everytime there's a family outing (i.e Knotts, restaurants, family dinners & so on) my sisters bring their friends who in my opinion are not the funnest people ever. and it's like, i spend my entire school year living and doing thing with friends, so when i come home i jsut want to be myself and be with my family. that too much to ask? but no, every single outing a person between the ages of 14-18 who is NOT realted to me nor do i wish was related to me is squeezing into the car or forcing me to have to drive. i know God's love is supposed to encompass everyone but geez I don't feel like being nice to them. Plus my sisters just feed them all the groceries my mom buys. (do i sound selfish?) regardless, thats how i feel. and now my dad is about to move away and this chick is tagging along thanks to my sister and she is even tagging along to our spa day! what the hell it was supposed to be just me and mom. how did this happen. | | |
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